Jubilee...Domestic Goddess
by Parodys
Summary: Jubilee gets ahold of a Martha Stewart marathon....right after Angelo proposes.


Disclaimer: I own nuttin...Marvel does. Martha Stewart owns herself (at least I hope so) 

A/N: I was bored and this was born. Feedback is good!! Pure and utter fluff!   
Words in *text* indicate actions 

Jubilee...Domestic Goddess 

Like any bad idea it had started off seeming like a good one. At least that's what Angelo   
was telling himself and had kept telling himself through the entire ordeal. All five weeks   
of it. Long long weeks of it. 

What is "it" you ask? Well according to Emma (and I quote) "it's proof that there is an   
unholy and evil madness running loose in the world..." or in Sean's words "a sign of the   
coming apocalypse.." or last but not least the infamous "God, would you guys please   
chill? It's me doing some home ec stuff." by our beloved Jubilee. 

Three days before it all started there had been a special on tv, a Martha Stewart special.   
A marathon in fact that lasted well over 24 hours. Which Jubilee watched in it's entirety,   
something only a professional or minion of the devil should do and despite what Emma   
might say, Jubilee was neither. To be honest it wasn't really Jubilee's fault, Angelo had   
proposed to her about two weeks earlier and for some reason Jubilee had felt the need to   
fulfill some antiquated stereotype of a perfect wife. Or at least try and the marathon had   
showed up at just the right time when she had passed the stage of just thinking about it   
and was heading into the actual doing something stage. 

The first attempt wasn't too bad, it had involved a rather burnt coffee cake and a   
slightly melted stove. Nothing had been too badly destroyed (well, except for the garbage   
disposal that kicked the bucket after trying to grind nine servings that had somehow   
managed not to be eaten and hidden in various napkins and potato skins). 

The second attempt wasn't too bad either, several evergreen trees and pine cones bit the   
dust in an experiment in wreathes and ribbons. Setting the antique dining table alight   
during dinner that night wasn't her fault at all. Or if it was her fault then it wasn't a major deal int he grand scheme of things. At least in what was to become the grand scheme of things after Jubilee's adventure had finally finished. 

After deciding that her forte wasn't in the realm of decorating or cooking breakfast,   
Jubilee turned to what some may call a more lethal form of domestic bliss- sewing.   
Jubilee had long discarded the idea of sewing with a machine (something that everyone   
in the house was grateful for) for a more hands on mean of clothing the populace...or at   
least her husband to be. It was a fairly inconspicuous looking piece of material when Angelo   
first saw it. A light blue cloth made of cotton that was several feet long, was transformed   
into a death trap for the young man only a couple hours later. 

"Relax." 

*hack hack hack* 

"Um...chiquita?" 

"Yes?" *HACK* 

"I was thinking that you're a woman of the new millennium..." Shallow breathing could be   
heard as Angelo tried not to breath or (God help him) sneeze within the confines of   
several dozen needles, only millimeters away from bleeding to death. 

"Definitely." Chewing on her lip thoughtfully, Jubilee sawed off another foot or so of   
cloth from the sleeve. 

"And.." Angelo tried to ignore the fact that his voice was getting higher and more   
desperate by the second. "And, as such a woman there really isn't a need to do this. I like   
cooking...and sewing. I know, how about I sew the things in that need to be   
sewed...sewn...fixed?" 

Jubilee smiled indulgently while stabbing a few more pins in. "I don't mind." She   
stepped back and pondered her creation for a few moments, wondering why it looked   
nothing like the pattern said it would. It hung off of Angelo's body in some parts and in   
others it was skin tight, hanging unevenly around the waist as she decided whether or not   
buttons were really necessary. 

Swallowing down his fear, Angelo could not, for the life of him, remember why he had   
agreed to stand in for the dummy in the first place. All he could recall were pouted lips,   
and that tickling thing she did just behind his ear... 

Beads of sweat collected on his forehead, and he flinched, the steely slices of the newly   
sharpened scissors shaving past his stomach with a hint of cool metal. *HACK* * HACK*   
*HACK!* 

Jubilee's lower lip began to jut out. "It's not turning out at all like what it was supposed   
to." 

"Really?" Angelo asked hopefully, trying to crane his neck around so he could see the   
shirt. "I mean, that's too bad." 

"Oh well." Jubilee shrugged, and turned around to rummage on the table. A cry of   
satisfaction was heard as she pulled out bigger and *better* scissors. "I have lots more   
cloth." she said matter of factly. 

-in- 

Monet, Paige and Emma peered through the slats on the closet door, shoving to get the   
best view of what was going on. At this point muffled snorts of laughter and giggles   
could be heard through frequent "Shhh!'s" 

"I can't believe she's doing this!" Paige grinned, peering at her watch. "He's put up with   
it for over a half an hour." 

Monet hefted the video camera to a better vantage point as Angelo started fervently   
praying when Jubilee pulled out a hot iron. "I can't believe you didn't think he would do   
this at all." 

Paige shrugged. "Excuse me for thinking the man had some sense. The last time Jubilee   
did the whole happy homemaker thing she nearly killed the hamster, she did kill that   
computer baby from class and I don't even want to talk about the spider plant in her   
room." 

"Fork over your fifty." Emma smiled smugly, and pocketed the cash in her top pocket.   
"I'll take yours now if you want." 

Monet smirked. "It's not over yet, he still has five more minutes to run screaming from   
the room." 

Paige looked at the badly twitching man with a badly concealed grin. "Does anyone else   
think this is cruel?" 

"It was Jubilee's idea!" Emma protested. "Besides he deserves everything he's getting.   
Tossing in a red towel when I'm washing my laundry is not funny." 

"The Pink Queen is not funny at all." Paige agreed. "But having everyone call you Pinky   
was hilarious." 

Snickering softly, Monet zoomed in on the slightly crazed look in Angelo's eyes. "So   
how much did we actually bet Jubes that he wouldn't outlast an hour?" 

Random cutting could be heard as Paige peered at her watch in the dim light. "Two   
hundred bucks and wearing those purple monstrosities at the wedding for dresses." 

Emma narrowed her eyes. "We better not loose, Hank is going to be taking pictures." 

Monet smiled. "There's no way we can loose, he's ready to bolt as it is. He's going to be   
in a very interesting marriage." 

"That's for damn sure." 

-in- 

Jubilee was trying to eyeball the sleeve length and had so far succeeded only in making   
the shirt a short sleeve. Very short sleeve. In fact it was on the verge of becoming a   
no-sleeve if she kept up the pace. While she bent over to examine the collar (located   
currently somewhere around his stomach) she gave him a tiny grin. "Twenty more   
minutes and we win the bet." 

Angelo just let another panicked laugh and winked at her. Emma having to wear nothing   
but pink for a week was good. Monet, Paige and Emma in purple taffeta was even better. 

-fin- 

Pure and utter fluff..I did warn ya! That's what you get when I'm stuck in bed for a   
month with nothing better to watch than Martha Stewart and the Animaniacs. :) 


End file.
